Full Metal Powerpoint

Full Metal Powerpoint

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I have spent a considerable amount of time lately playing, working and arguing with Microsoft Powerpoint due to working on a lot of client presentations and pitches. It’s nothing to complain about, but I’m not a big fan of doing things I’m not too good at and, until recently, I’d consider Powerpoint to sit firmly in that area of non-expertise. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been using Powerpoint for years and am not shy about doing a presentation itself. However, using Powerpoint in a truly professional sense – and by this I mean making slick professional presentations ones that you don’t see too often is a different matter entirely….

Powerpoint is something I’ve still got a lot to learn about and am sure I will perfect with time. In the meantime, due to spending an inordinate amount of time with Powerpoint, I went a little crazy [read: corny] and developed the mantra below, in true Full Metal Jacket style:

This is my Powerpoint. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My Powerpoint is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My Powerpoint, without me, is useless. Without my Powerpoint, I am useless. I must fire my Powerpoint true. I must deliver it straighter than any competitor who is trying to outspeak me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will… My Powerpoint and myself know that what counts in this war is not the time we speak for, the repeats of the presentation, nor the amount of social shares it attracts. We know that it is the understanding that counts. We will educate…

My Powerpoint is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weakness, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its custom animations and its slide master. I will keep my Powerpoint clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will….

Before God I swear this creed. My Powerpoint and myself are the defenders of my company. We are the masters of our competitors. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is ours and there is no competition, but collaboration.

Full Metal Powerpoint